A: Thanks, you too. I have actually thought about writing in about this one as well. 20 questions to ask instead of "How are you doing right now?" - Quartz I know people who mean well dont like hearing this, but I think that its important for people who mean well to also consider how the people they interact with might feel, so I consider this type of information to be useful to anyone who truly wants others to feel welcomed and comfortable. because sometimes we have plans that cant change. It shows that you're a calm and cool person who is easy to talk to and has no problem whether someone says hey or hello. (Im a lady dating ladies btw, if thats relevant, though I have also dated men before and my experience is definitely colored by some of the emotional labor / potential gender-related danger issues some of the commenters pointed out thats spot on). 17 Funniest Running Memes - Which One's Do You Relate To? - RunToTheFinish Then, actually do check your calendar, check in with yourself if you actually want to do whatever it is, and answer the person when its convenient for you. I usually list a few of the things Im doing and treat it as a conversation starter, i.e., ask them about their weekend. Honestly, about 90% of *soft* invitations to me fall flatly to the ground because I dont pick up the work of planning, timing and reissuing that invitation. Overwhelming majority of the time, someone who says why do you ask? wants to know why do you ask. - Joseph Addison - Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. Michael Wiley on Twitter: "RT @h_miller76: Had you asked me what I'd be Its also pretty casual, and most people automatically reply to that question because its so common. I used to get caught by this question. I wouldnt mind your first either, but thats because the few people whod ask me exactly that are close enough for me to answer however Id like. If they really are trying to manipulate you then Im afraid having just the right words wont fix it you will probably have to say no directly when they finally get to their request. Especially as its usually done over text, which (to me) precludes the idea of it being small talk. For example, if there were a certain number of hours per week or month that she needs to work at certain things you set, Im not seeing a problem. Answer accordingly. Its mostly me trying to figure out a friends general level of free time and not impose if theyre busy or dealing with a crisis. If you have people in your life who you trust not to get offended at this exchange, definitely give this method a try. How about you? If they push after that, theyre admitting theyre either not listening or not respecting my feelings. Umm.pardon me, I wasn't listening. I dont understand the point of the question. Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Good luck! What the letter-writer is doing seems a bit like foreign people not grasping at first that Americans dont expect How are you? to be answered literally. But again, that often leads to a fraught conversation or hurt feelings that arent worth dealing with. Again with the caveat that you have to tell the person whom youve used as an excuse that youve done so! Auto-reply email sample: Hi [first_name], Thanks so much for reaching out! But it puts me on edge every time I hear it. (via Shutterstock) 7. I like these types are answers because they have the benefits of: 1. always being true, 2. requiring zero thought (e.g. Nothing too exciting, Ive got a bunch of things on my to-do list. Why do you ask? Its a polite way of communicating WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Its okay that I usually spend my weekends watching movies/playing videogames/reading and those arent shameful hobbies. Oh, the usual, you? If I say why and she responds with something easily done another time or only sort of appealing, Ill judge it against a nice evening of doing nothing and maybe pass. Rock the anger, LW. I didnt realize it until I noticed they were running a long-term experiment when they traveled of noting responses they said they like Canada and big chunks of northern and western US, because if they say theyre British, no one bats an eye despite their obvious Polish accents. People who act like or claim that it is impolite are exhibiting the things I dont like must be rude/mean fallacy. Them We need to have lunch soon I ask this question all the time. Funny Responses to Compliments Everyone Can Use Paris color stylo eye shadow neon skirt Paris color riche le stylo eye shadow bronzed How much vitamin c does a clementine have Loreal paris color riche stylo smoky eye avant azure What to get a guy for valentine's day Paris stylo smoky eye shadow hollywood Why is friendship better than relationship Desculpa para sair mais cedo do trabalho View Each Day as an Opportunity, Not an Obligation, Everything That You Can't do Because You Have Kids. Or autistic natives; I know this one intellectually, but I still have a lot of trouble remembering in the moment that its usually not a real question, and Im also unsure how to respond when I do remember, because I dont like lying, and Im well/fine is usually a lie for me. And the balls in their court if they were actually trying to set up something fun. And maybe just dont think of the flip side where the question could potentially add more pressure. Totally fair and perfectly polite. If you are an academic assigning my posts in your courses, Id appreciate an email with a copy of the relevant syllabus/assignment for my records/CV. Another interesting look at how varied cultural/regional norms and peoples own experiences can be. *I have some sympathy for her, in that Ive seen how this is gendered in our culture, of women being trained not to ask for what they want/need (possibly more than in western cultures? I recognize that the question can DEFINITELY be used to intentionally or unconsciously other people, Her problem with it seemed more about having to answer it ALL the time than any implied racism or xenophobia. Theres a great body of research on the pileup of mental stress on the interrupted person, and the habit encourages the interrupter to indulge in constant watching and judging of how another adult spends their R&R downtime, which isnt good for the interrupter either, since it breeds resentment, often of a very petty kind. I get the feeling Im not alone, I always thought my relationship with my parents was healthy until I became an adult and now I dread conversations with them. It can often be an explain why youre a POC kind of thing in many countries with white majorities, and seen as a whole (its a super widespread phenomenon) it shows how far away our societies are from truly accepting themselves are diverse. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. Yeah, I get that it is a soft invitation, but it also feels that the hard invitation has been tossed into my lap. "Great, thanks for asking" is a generic response that you can use when you receive a "how's your day going" message. This is just a funny response to give because it is the opposite of what they had asked just you. WHAT WILL YOU DO AT THE WEEKEND?? Im sure to him thats bewildering, but to me its bewildering that for so long he simply refused to choose to behave with appropriate respect. Why is receiving an invite considered such a stressor and its ok not to get back to the person. Its only a trap when the same people use it repeatedly to rope you in to doing something you would otherwise be able to avoid gracefully. Especially not in NYC, where housing is so tight, and especially when she doesnt have a job.). Those on the other side never see it that way. The Captains advice is great. For example, when Sean Hayes started to sing "beautifully" on the show, Ellen said, "Ok, we have to take a break.". He's finally seen the light and realized you're meant to be together took him long enough. They dont ask if you want to do the thing and then you are able to tell them (and if you were busy, youd probably mention that when declining). Whereas a lot of us see the advantages, like the precision you noticed, to some form of rapid written communication that wasnt around decades ago. The kids DO like my origami and I was able to get in some geometry pointers with that. Although I have one co-worker who apparently does laundry on weekdays sometimes. If the asker tends to demand stuff from me, Im likely to claim Ill be busy. I think that with my previous friend group culture, a sorry, Im REALLY busy for the next few weeks gets taken personally as Im too busy to maintain our relationship, even though Im trying to, um, not be homeless? E- Excitement. He sometimes vocally wonders why other teams and departments will go out of their way to help me with things but not him, and its because I respond to their small talk rather than shutting it down and gently rebuff social overtures rather than saying No, I dont want to get to know you better or similar. ! OH ME TOO. Its just a formulaic greeting. no one tries to rope me into something). Him: You must be doing something. Its real. Others also have lives to plan and need to know (cancel event, find someone else, make other plans). People of just about any accent can turn up just about anywhere and be from there. If you want to invite them, INVITE. Ive spent some time in California and I never really know how to respond correctly. When you are waiting for the Good morning text. There have been days when I could be found dancing on the couch and all over the house with this and Bad Reputation on a playback loop, both middle fingers proudly in the air. What are you doing - Best ways to answer this question Well, have fun whatever you end up doing / decide to do. Im saying lets not be unkind to the LW for disliking or feeling stress about this particular social situation. I would think that if one is up to the point of having to plan food, one would have also issued a direct invitation? When someone really finds you funny over text, they may send laughing emoji or 'haha'. The same is true for both indirect hinty inquiries like doing anything on the weekend? and direct invites like Are you available for X chore/ Y funthing Saturday between 2 and 5? Or noncommittal responses like dunno, maybe or definite responses like I will make time for a few specific fun things within specific timeframe, otherwise I am unavailable. None of these is universally rude; any/all can be considered presumptuous, pushy, passive, or otherwise inappropriate to specific circumstances or relationships (and fine/desirable for others), and any/all may result in added difficulty/danger if they are spoken to a person who has the ability to cause problems if displeased, and are not what that person wants to hear. What are you up to this weekend? sounds like small talk, though it obviously depends if the asker is a known power-player. I have a friend that would ask me what Im doing and when I say, Nothing the next thing is, Well, lets meet for lunch and then irritation and shock when I say Id rather not. picked up a shift right off the bat. Ze might, but you dont actually need an excuse to not provide free labor on demand. 30+ funny good morning memes to send to your family and friends There is no need to think about what they're up to or why they sent you the . I think the reason is that telling people about fun things is potentially fairly personal. Thanks! Excellent insight and analysis. I m trying to understand the other side, all those people who say they do this to make declining easier, but it just makes no sense to me. Is that the best you've got. One of the costs of challenging social rules is that it makes it harder for people to learn them. Do I think X is a fair thing to insist upon? I dont worry when people say no to me either. Thursday is awful for me rushing all day invites the questioner to drop the topic, and Nothing, how about you invites the questioner to ask you to the fun thing. No, just running some errands. I just want to say I appreciate that, you know, you havent started charging your daughter rent, etc. It's time to break the silence and let her know that she shouldn't be nosing into your business when her life isn't anything special. ooh. I get annoyed when family members pose the invitation as Youre coming to Grans on Saturday, right? To which Im like, Uh, whats happening on Saturday? And they stare at me like Im a monster for not knowing it was Sallys third step daughters cousins middle school graduation theyre celebrating on Saturday. Yeah, my parents did that too. If the person you're talking to has seen Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog, they'll appreciate the joke. Ive been known to do that to friends, since Im one of those people who freaks out when I hit the wrong key and the computer does something unexpected. I really enjoyed my years living in the American South, but I realized the day would never come when I wouldnt be seen as an outsider. People here may be disagreeing that it should be a normal social rule, but if you change your behavior to meet that, youll be wrong by other standards. LW specifically said that LW is not bothered by this in peer-friends. I know this is a small complaint, in the grand scheme of things, and I usually handle it by changing the subject to something Im interested in if I *do* feel like conversing.
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